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Everything was planned except the flat tires. He left the house even earlier than he had planned and was driving down the expressway, across town, to the best theater showing the movie. A long trip but worth it.Halfway there, someone in the car ahead of him threw a bottle out of the window. James couldn't swerve fast enough to miss it. He wound up with two flat tires, 10 miles from the theater. James was angry beyond words. He had to get to the theater now, but he had only one spare. He quickly called the auto club. They had someone out to his car in just over two hours. They brought a temporary tire that fit James's car. It was a loaner that he had to put up a deposit for. Finally, he was back on the road. James arrived at the theater at 11:02pm. Twenty-eight minutes before the doors were to open. The line for the midnight showing stretched around the building and into the darkness. Disgusted, James left his folding chair in the car and trudged to the very end of the line, somewhere. “So what happened to this list?”“I just moved into the standard list for gifts. It wasn't that large, only 12,467 requests. Why, did it cause any problems?” the elf meekly asks.“At first, there were no issues. I just left the designated gift under the tree and left. That made up about half of all the stops. Just a dildo here, a vibrating egg there, and some 20 odd Symbians. Then, I started finding some of the girls up waiting for me,” Santa states as a matter of fact.“Oh... and then?”“Well, the Korean girls were super polite. They just wanted to inspect the presents and they each gave me a kiss in thanks. The Japanese girls were mostly dressed in skimpy, shear teddies. They all wanted selfies with Santa. By the time I reached New Zealand, they wanted a little more from Santa than a present! It was the same all across Australia, the Philippines, the whole damn trip!”The now frightened elf had to ask, “What did they want Santa?”“ME,” Santa shouts. Pulling a small note pad from his suit.
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